Tuesday, May 22, 2012

The only constant is change

Both Crystal and myself have some serious changes that are occurring in our lives currently and while Crystal is taking her changes in stride (which she always does), I have been struggling with my changes a little. Which is ironic because it is true, in my life more than most, that the only constant is change. Just when you think things are calm and settled down, life will throw a wrench in all your plans, crumbling them to the ground and forcing you to build new plans from the bottom up.
And what I'm learning is that it never gets easier, and you don't even necessarily learn to handle them better. What happens is that you just learn to accept it, to let go, and let life take you where it needs to, and trust that where you are going is exactly where you are meant to be.
For instance, I never ever thought I would be a writer, never gave the idea any purchase. But I had also never written anything in my life in a creative fashion other than a book, which I also illustrated, about a giraffe in the third grade. I always considered myself a creative person but thought that my creativity was best expressed through visual mediums as has been passed down through my family tree. It wasn't until Crystal approached me with an idea about a novel and asked if I would help her write it that I gave the thought it's fair due. It wasn't until I sat down that first time at a blank computer screen, staring at it for an hour, before finally just starting and realizing that I was creating things that didn't exist before. Much like I was at a blank sheet of paper with a paintbrush or pencil in my hand. And it wasn't until I reread what I had written that I realized that I may actually be pretty good at this writing thing. My confidence in writing is ten fold what it was as a visual artist, and I have Crystal to thank for opening my eyes to the possibility. But I also have myself to thank. While most people would say things like, "I could never write a book", or "I wouldn't know where to start", I opened myself up to the idea and trusted it. I wasn't expecting myself to be any good at it or to love it as much as I do, but I gave myself the chance.
This is what I mean about letting go and trusting that life knows where to take you. This is the reminder that I have been trying to give myself, every morning, and praying that this truth will implant itself in my brain so I can walk through the changes of life confident and in grace the way I feel Crystal does. But in the meantime, I feel lucky that she is my best friend so she can pull me out of my moments of doubt.

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